Memories That Inspire
I offer my most loving and humble dandavat pranams to my most revered Srila Gurudeva Bhakti Vijnana Bharati Goswami Maharaja, I offer my humble dandavat pranams to all revered Vaishnavas and Vaishnavis, to all Srila Gurudev's well wishers and who ever served him in whatever way.
Srila Gurudeva is like an ocean… when you look at the ocean you cannot see the end of it, in the same way when I looked and keep looking at Srila Gurudeva divine personality I cannot find an end of his good qualities, of his knowledge of vaishnava siddhanta, I cannot find the right words to describe how he loves, accept each and every surrendered soul and the way He served without any expectation. It is really difficult, especially when you don't possess any good quality and qualification, but only by remembering my Srila Gurudev I purify myself and feel alive actually, because after departure of Srila Gurudev I was in a very tough and depressive state and only light for me in this dark ocean of my existence was speaking about Gurudev, listening his katha recordings, remembering him and especially listen from others about their wonderful experience with him. Guru and Vaishnavas they are our live and soul and I saw it first from the Gurudeva's exemplary life. Every time when I was coming to Srila Gurudev to India I knew that after month or two I have to go back and leave him, due to my work and mundane duties, and it was literally breaking my heart, I was sometimes just seating in front of him at his katha and if this thought would just come for a moment I was wiping my tears. It was my last day in Gurgaon in March 2016, and I felt very depressed that time, because I knew that it is my last day, when I see and hear Srila Gurudev. It was an evening program in a big apartment of devotees, where Gurudeva was staying after leaving Mayapura and Gurudeva started speaking about lily and moon. That they are so close to each other, even though they are physically so far away from each other. Peacock and clouds are close friends and how much peacock becomes joyful and dancing by seeing clouds. I felt so blissful that time after hearing his words, even though I heard this story from Srila Gurudeva many times before. After hari katha has finished devotees were approaching Srila Gurudev one by one to offer their pranams and take the sweets from his hands. I wanted to be the last one, because I wanted just to stand and enjoy my last moments with Guruji and just to relish the nectar of his lotus holy face. After I bow and offered my pranams I have noticed that on the feet of Srila Gurudeva there was only one beautiful lily-prasad that was like waiting for me. The way Gurudev was speaking to me was beyond the words, I understood after that many more times that love and affection expression in vaishnava world is absolutely different to this material world.
I also want to share how much Srila Gurudeva was always respectful and appreciated to each and every of our small endeavor to serve. I remember that in 2014 when I was in Chandigarh during Kartik month with Srila Gurudev, there was some senior to me female devotees who encouraged me to distribute the books of H.D.G Srila Bhakti Ballabha Tirtha Gosvami Maharaj. Several times I went to the market places with devotees for book distribution, as well as harinam sankirtan. We were distributing books in the evening before evening class of Srila Gurudev which was starting always at 8 p.m. So one time we were very late, because people at the streets was so excited to see us, they was taking books and people at the market place was giving me some vegetables, napkins, lemons, green apples as a donation, when I was saying to them that we are performing nagar sankirtan as a Guru and Mandir seva.
And when I looked at the watch I realized that we already late and we wouldn’t come back to the math by the 8 pm, and it made me feel really sad, because I didn't want to miss hari katha of Guruji, and I would feel so ashamed if he will see me entering the katha hall in the middle of the lecture, because I knew that Gurudev is very particular in time and never late. When I shared these thoughts with Raseshvari didi, she started assuring me: "You don't know… Maharaj he knows everything, nothing can be hidden from him, he knows that we are doing seva, so you can be sure, he wouldn’t start speaking katha before we come back, because he also knows about your feelings, He is a pure devotee who hears and sees every heart". She didn't pacify me that time, because I didn't take seriously her words and didn't feel that Srila Gurudev would wait for us. When we reached and I entered the hari-katha hall I haven’t find by my eyes Gurudeva, I was really astounded by seeing Gurudeva entering the hall at the same time. After hari katha has finished I approached Gurudeva and gave him silently the bag with all items which was offered by ordinary people from the market. I was so much amazed by seeing in his eyes how respectfully Guruji took it all, even though for an ordinary person there was nothing valuable. But I felt that he accepted attempts of all those people as well as ours with a great honor and respect.
I hope that each and every appearance and disappearance day of my Srila Gurudeva (I wish it would be more often than twice in a year), by his grace and the grace of other vaishnavas I would be able to remember and share whatever I have learned from my Gurudeva just to inspire myself first of all to follow his perfect conduct and teachings. Once I was working as a caregiver for one German disabled doctor and I mentioned to him without details that I have met a great saint and my Gurudev is the purest soul I ever met before and this is my greatest fortune. He didn't reply me anything. But one day doctor suddenly told me that - whatever talent or quality you have, they are all from your Gurudeva. That very moment I felt so much connected with Guruji even though I was so far away from my home. It was the words full of meaning to me. Because it is absolute truth that an ordinary conditioned person like me possess nothing and only the presence of Gurudeva in my life and that love which I have from him fills my life with the meaning and making me first of all at least human. Please forgive me if I told something wrong and my words offended someone, it is all just due to my ignorance. I do hope that such sharing would inspire me first of all to follow my Gurudeva and throughout my life make Gurudeva happy by my service attempts. vancha-kalpatarubhyash cha kripa-sindhubhya eva cha patitanam pavanebhyo vaishnavebhyo namo namaha