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To Whom Should I Surrender?

śrī kṛṣṇa caitanya kṛpaika vittaḥ yaḥ maryādā rakṣati vaiṣṇavānāṁ kṛpāvalaṁ mādhava preṣṭha kāmī śrī bhaktidaṁ bhāratim āśrayāmaḥ I offer my millions of millions obeisances unto the lotus feet of my profound spiritual master Nitya lila Parivishta om Vishnupada Ashtottar shat Sri Srimad Bhakti Vijanan Bharti Goswami Maharaja.

I offer my obeisances unto the lotus feet of my motivation on the path of devotion Nitya Lila Parivishta om Vishnupada Ashtottar shat Sri Srimad Bhaktivedanta Narayana Goswami Maharaj.

I offer my obeisances unto the lotus feets of Nitya Lila Parivishta om Vishnupada Ashtottar shat Sri Srimad Bhaktivedanta Svami Maharaja Prabhupada (who favored me with Gaudiya Vaishnavism) and entire Rupanuga Guru varga. "Offerings ", a totally significant & auspicious word for me, I don't know how to glorify Srila Gurudev. I'm not in a state to offer my emotions & sentiments to him, reason being my tendency towards Anarthas and maya. Due to my Anarthas I was unable get Diksha from him however I'm viewed as one of his fortunate disciples who got Harinam on 6th August 2017, one day Before Balram Purnima in Sri Radha Madhav Gaudiya Matha, Faridabad (exact month before Srila Gurudev's disappearance).

On the invitation of Sriman Kishori Mohan Prabhu (US) I went for Srila Gurudev's Darshan (for very first time) at Gopinath Bhavan soon after kartik in 2016. Despite the fact that I came very late and he was going to leave Gopinath Bhavan for planned visit yet some way or another I figured out how to have his darshan. By the mercy for pure devotees in the beginning of 2017 once again I was informed about Srila Gurudev's visit to Sri Radha Govinda Gaudiya Matha, Noida (Pujyapada Radhanath Prabhu's house).

This time I reached early and went to entire program. For the first actual time I received prasadam from Srila Gurudev. I was excessively energized. Till that time I didn't had any intentions for initiations. I was confused to whom should I surrender myself and who will acknowledge this evil soul? As time passed, it was Guru Purnima (2017) when again more I went to Sri Radha Madhav Gaudiya Matha, Faridabad for Srila Gurudev's Darshan with Shyamsunder dasi Didi (now God sister).

On that very day I deliberate to take initiation, although I turned into new to matha. Hence, I was rejected and was requested for recommendation (letter). I became overwhelmed & was thinking 'oh god will it be possible to get initiation from him?'. Immediately, I mentioned help from Kishori Mohan Prabhu and he wrote recommendation letter to Sundar Gopal Prabhu (Australia). Thereafter, Srila Gurudev accepted this fallen soul as his disciple and I was granted Initiation. I still remember after Harinaam initiation (first and last instruction for me), Srila Gurudev emphasis me to concentrate on quality of Japa (chanting) rather than number of rounds. Unfortunately, I failed to had any association of Srila Gurudev but however, his Vani in form of his books always makes me feel his personal association. His books are genuine fortune for his disciples and adherents by means of which one can catch Srila Gurudev's directions for oneself. My beloved Masters is certainly one of my favorite book. It made me amazed that how Srila Gurudev has served so many vaishnavas irrespective of spiritual platform. Srila Gurudev in no way left possibility to glorify bhagvan and vaishnavas. He was very specific about the vaishnava Calendar and pronunciation of Sanskrit verses. I'm attached to the manner in which he recite various Verses, specifically the Manglacaran. Srila Gurudev has consistently caused his followers to learn by his words as well as by his acharan. Oh! Gurudev you, alongwith Paramgurudev & Guruparampara are requested to see my helpless condition and invigorate me some to creep on bhakti marg. I'm sure soon I will begin to walk as a result of your mercy & affection.

Gurudev, would I be able to make a solicitation at your lotus feet to give me Vaishnav Sanga and Hari Katha to overcome my Apradh and Anartha. Once again I beg for your unconditional mercy. Prior to closure, I couldn't imagine anything better than to thank VCV Sanga for allowing us a chance to glorify Srila Gurudev and uniting us on such an auspicious occasion in this intense time of pandemic. Shyamsunder Dasi Didi for encouraging me to glorify Srila Gurudev. My God Brothers :- Adikeshav Prabhu (Faridabad), Patitpawan Prabhu (Tagore Garden, Delhi) and Anandi Krishna Prabhu (Janakpuri, Delhi) for their support. Srila Gurudev ki Jai! Srila Gurudev Abhirbhava Mahotsav Tithi ki Jai! Mahotsav Palan kari bhakta Vrinda ki jai! Vishudha Chaitanya vani Sanga ki Jai! An aspiring servant, Shashank Gupta

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