Please Don't Leave This Dirty Dog
Gurudev I offer my respectable obeisance unto your lotus feet.
This is a small letter and my 1st Letter from this most fallen soul.
Gurudev when I left Bangalore for some reasons and was wandering like a dirty dog, one day I stopped at Puri, Even then I was not interested in Gaudiya mutt and its devotees, I was not interested in taking shelter unto a bonafide guru because I had lost faith on many of them, and I had an conclusion that no one is pure in this world.
After I started to stay in Puri from the day, I started to come to your katha in the evening although I had no interest in it, but after the katha finished I touched your Lotus Feet and took prasadam from your Lotus hand, I don’t know I had felt a change in my mind and feelings, after hearing the glories of you from a few devotees I took initiation from you and I did not surrender to you fully.
But today I understand that how foolishly I behaved and misunderstood the things, but gurudev today I am carving with the hunger without you, although you are present in your vani but still I am so fallen that I am unable to understand your vani, by your causeless mercy you have given my god brothers and senior personalities like Madhav priya prabhu, Ambrish prabhu and many others who try to feed me your vani in my heart like mother feeding her kid with love.
I thank you for your causeless mercy which is unmatched with anything in the 3 worlds.
I also beg you again and again that please don’t leave this dirty dog again on the roads of maya although I am already in maya quenching my thirst with the gutter of this material word and its comfort and pleasures.
O Gurudev I beg you that please one day please make me realise and understand the moods of bhakti, please make me understand the true state of a sadaka and please take away my mode of ignorance and always give me the shelter of your Lotus Feet. I do not have words to express more than this. Hoping for your ray of glance on this Adhama With Tears Your servant the most fallen soul, Vijay Krishna Dasa.