Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur aptly summaries my life in his Kirtan, “emona durmati, saḿsāra bhitore,poḍiyā āchinu āmi”
A wicked mind has brought me into this world and I enjoyed staying in a quagmire somehow. Everywhere was sadness, sorrow and zero to my every action. Śri Gurudeva mentioned that “This human birth is rare because we have received it after wandering through 8.4 million species.” And Still we tend to waste it, as we don’t know its real purpose. krsna bhuli'sei jiva anadi bahir mukha ataeva maya tare deya samsara adi duhkha Forgetting Krsna, the living entity has been attracted by the external feature from time immemorial. Therefore, the illusory energy gives him all kinds of misery in his material existence.
And like this, many lifetimes went by and no one showered their mercy upon me.
Seeing me so fallen and wretched,
tava nija-jana, kono mahājane,pāṭhāiyā dile tumi Then Krsna's own representative comes and my guru-pādapadma accepted me, took pity on me, accepted me and bestowed his kind mercy on me. Brahmanda bhramite kona bhagyavan jiva Guru krsna parade paya bhakti-lata-bija Srila Narayana Gosawami Maharaj once said, “The real guru is an uttama maha-bhagavata - like Narada Gosvami and Sukadeva Gosvami. They can hold up their hand to bless you with the words, "Bhakti should come at once." And bhakti will come.” yaohara darsane mukhe aise krishna-nama taohare janiha tumi 'vaishnava-pradhana'
I still remember before I met Śrī Gurudeva , I did not know anything about bhakti and I did not believe that Krishna is the supreme personality of Godhead. I also remember very clearly the first time I saw Śrī Gurudeva, he was sitting in a room, it appeared like my heart was beating and I could hear Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna. All I could do was cry. I simply felt I met God and all I wanted to do was to surrender unto him and serve him irrespective of all my imperfections. From then on, I have believed that only by serving Śrī Gurudeva my life successful, and everything else will automatically be taken care of. Today I know if my Śrī Gurudeva is pleased with me, I have led a useful life. He made me realize the purpose of my life. Though he is physically not present with us but I still feel his constant presence in my heart and around me protecting me, sheltering me. I wish I live a life that Śrī Gurudeva wanted me to and serve him with utmost dedication and sincerity. Although my position is like a lamp in front of the sun, still being full of ignorance I pay my obeisance to my Śrī Gurudev. The scriptures consistently declare Śrī guru to be sākṣāt-hari, directly Śrī Hari. All saintly persons jointly validated it. Śrī guru is very dear to Bhagavān. And he is very dear to me I worship the lotus feet of my Śrī Gurudeva.